Portia's only facial expression.
Previously on the Bad Girls Club…Natalie is a cunt, Kendra is a pathetic famewhore, Amber is crazy and makes me miss last season’s Ambers even more, Flo is a raging bulldyke, Portia has no facial expressions, Annie is annoying but the smartest one in the house, and Kate is actually a fierce bitch.
I hate Natalie more than anyone in BGC history, possiby more than anyone in reality television history–wait, no, there was Chatty Natty from Big Brother 9. And Nastalie from Big Brother 11. Maybe I just have a thing against Natalies. Anyway, Natalie is a cunt. I feel like I know her because I’ve known people just like her. Extremely insecure. Totally crazy and cries hysterically over shit she puts in her own head. Probably spoiled by her parents. Tries to manipulate people but isn’t very good at it. All bark and no bite. Thinks she’s a such a big deal because she’s friends with that guy from Moesha. We all know someone like that, right? Cunt. I do love to hate her though. I hope she sticks around long enough for everyone to turn against her and have her decide to leave and pretend it’s not because everyone hates her.
When we last left our girls, Flo was roid raging because she took too long to leave a party and the rest of them were too lazy to check if she was staying or not. Understandable, but not that serious. Apologies are not good enough, but I’d bet a flash of some titties would be. Despite everyone’s wishes, Kendra decided to keep Natalie in the house even though the bitch punched her in the face. Why? Because she wants to fuck that guy from Moesha (not Ray J…that’s a different reality show). I don’t know why it was left up to Kendra…if one person objected she should have been out, but I’m not complaining. As I said, I love to hate her.
Highlights from this week:
- Kate’s boyfriend is from the projects! I knew there was a reason I loved her.
- Portia cries about her boyfriend, still with no expression on her face.
- Natalie, Flo, and Kendra fight in front of a crying Portia about whether or not she should be crying.
- Kate: “I am so sick of talking about our emotions. Before you know it, we have The Tyra Show.”
- Portia’s boyfriend is cheating on her because he went fishing for 8 hours, “and when he fishes, he doesn’t want to take his fun on the boat.” I have no idea what that means, but okay, I won’t argue.
- All the girls are hating on Annie because she dates married men. I don’t see the big deal. She’s not the one cheating. But I’ve been the other “woman,” so I might be biased.
- Natalie has a boyfriend. This is not him.
- Annie knows how to work a stripper pole. Why am I not surprised? I could picture her secretly being a dominatrix or some shit. She’s like Alyson Hannigon from American Pie.
- Flo: “Flo don’t need to look for dudes with money.”
- Flo decides the girls should go speed dating. Interesting that she chose the same place last season went to.
- Flo is not taking it seriously. But she’s mad at people for not taking it seriously.
- Kate: “You’re cheating on me! I’m hurt…[looks at card of names]…Raul.”
- Natalie: “Just like Beyonce said, ‘put a fuckin’ ring on it.’”
- Portia’s blowing up on Natalie. For no real reason other than she hates her. So they get kicked out of a club before they even get into the door.
- Natalie starts talking shit about Portia’s daughter…that’s a big no-no. I’d fuck a bitch up if they talked about my kids like that. You don’t say shit like that unless you want your nose broken.
- They get home, and Natalie won’t go inside because she’s afraid of Portia. But she keeps running her mouth.
- Oh shit, a window was open, so Portia heard Natalie talking about her daughter. Shit’s about to get real. She finally gets an expression on her face. The expression “I’MMA FUCK A BITCH UP.” Okay, it’s the same expression, only way more intense.
- Kate in the diary room: “::laughing:: Portia’s about to beat Natalie up. I gotta go.” God I love this bitch.
- Smackdownnnnn. Lots of hair pulling, and Portia destroys Natalie’s face. I don’t think anyone could blame her.
- Kendra: “WE WERE JUST SITTING OUTSIIIIIIIDE!!”
- Kate: “I’m not a violent person. I just like sex…and alcohol. That’s it. Two things that never killed anybody. Well…”
- Looks like Portia is going home. Kate: “I’m just glad she hit Natalie on her way out.”
- Natalie: “This is stupid. How did I get attacked?”
Kate: “You knew that was the one thing…”
Natalie: “No, I didn’t know that was the one thing. She never talked about her kid to me ever.”
Really? Isn’t that the one thing EVERY mother will knock you the fuck out for?
See, THIS is exactly why I was glad Natalie got to stay. So I could watch her get her ass beat. So glad I have DVR. I rewatched that like 10 times. I still think Portia is forgettable, but at least she went out with a bang. I kind of hope this season just has a revolving door of people coming in, beating the shit out of Natalie, and then leaving. I’m really in love with Kate now. She’s a fucking rock star, and I can’t get enough of her. Everything she says is golden. I’m also falling for Annie. She reminds me a bit of Amber/Cookie from last season. At first I thought she was just disgustingly annoying with the good girl act, but now I realize that’s just her sense of humor, and she’s actually quite loveable. Kind of like Cookie/Amber from last season, though I don’t think anyone will ever match the combined awesomeness of The Amber Show (do do do do do do).
Next week: New girl! Flo hulks out on some bitches! I’m excited.
Bonus: Natalie is also a terrible singer. And still won’t stfu about how she “runs” LA.
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