Shut Up It's On

Previously on LOST: Ben killed Jacob. Jack asks why his name is on Jacob’s compass. Smokey kicks ass at the temple. Ben tells Sayid there’s still time. Sayid disagrees.

Ben is running away from the temple. Ilana asks Ben where Sayid is. “Uh he’s not someone we should talk to anymore.” They frantically decide to go back to the beach. Ilana gives Miles Jacob’s ashes and asks him to figure out his final thoughts. “How did he die?” Miles flashes. “Linus killed him.” Uh oh. It’s kind of complicated though. Wait I’m defending this guy? Miles actually says “uh oh” after I wrote uh oh. GET OUT OF MY BRAIN! GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!

Ben tries to convince Ilana that Miles is unreliable. “He tried to blackmail me once.” True! Ilana is having none of it. Sun asks Ilana where Jin is. She said I’d like to know too. Ilana explains that a “Kwon” is a candidate to replace Jacob. Well there we go: the candidates are to replace Jacob.

Jack wakes Hurley up somewhere in the middle of the jungle. Hurley is trying to distract Jack after Jacob told him there was trouble at the temple. Richard appears. “Where did you come from?” “Maybelline. Just follow me would ya?”

Ben goes through some shit inside one of the abandoned tents. He finds a porno and a book called “The Chosen” before he talks to Lapidus. Then Ilana points a gun to his neck and tells him to walk. “How about you dig your own grave asshole?” Ben still doesn’t attempt to explain himself, even though Ilana is one of the few people that would understand what the fuck he’s talking about.

Ben offers Miles the $3.2 million he asked for before. Miles says he can just take the $8 million in jewelry Nikki and Paolo were buried alive with. What, 11.2 million wont fit in your wallet Strome? Miles tells Ben Jacob was actually disappointed in him when he killed him. “Jacob was hoping he was wrong about you.”

Hurley asks Richard how he still looks the same after thirty years. He said it was a gift from Jacob. Richard informs the guys that the Temple is not worth going back to. Richard expresses shock that Hurley has talked to Jacob recently, then tells Hurley not to believe him. Richard walks away. Jack asks where he’s going. Richard says “to die”. Well you have lived a long, long, long life…

Richard, Jack and Hurley go to the Black Rock. This is Richard’s first time there since he first shipwrecked on the island. Memmmmoriesssss. Richard opens up the crate of dynamite. Hurley is nervous. Richard explains that Jacob touched him, and if he touches you you can’t be killed. Richard wants to die, because he’s lost faith. “Why do I want to die? Because I just found out my entire life has no purpose.” He asks Jack to light the fuse and run away. This would presumably get Alpert killed. Jack lights the match. Jeez less Dr. Jack Sheppard more Dr. Jack Kevorkian am I right?! He lights the fuse and says to Richard, “let’s talk.” Hurley is freaking out but Jack is confident he won’t die. He was touched by Jacob too. Jack says Jacob must have wanted him to know Jacob has been watching him since he was a kid. “That’s a prettybig risk you’re taking. What if you’re wrong.” “I’m not.”

The dynamite doesn’t detonate. “Want to try another stick?”

Ben is making progress with his grave. He hears Smokey coming. “Hello Ben.” “I’m digging my own grave.” “Why?” “Because you talked me into killing Jacob.” Lockeness insists he wants Ben to stay alive. He wants him to stay on the island to take charge once he gets everybody off of Craphole. The clamp keeping Ben hostage suddenly and magically breaks. Locke tells him him and his crew will be chilling at the Hydra Station. Ben makes a run for it, knowing there’s a gun 200 yards away. He gets Ilana at gunpoint. He tells her he chose the island over his daughter. He sacrificed everything for Jacob. “And he didn’t even care.” He already lost all that was really important. Ben asks Ilana to let him leave with Locke. He’s the only one that’ll have him.

“I’ll have you.”

Ilana walks away. Ben follows her. I don’t feel so weird about caring about this guy anymore.

Back at the beach Miles is checking out some expensive diamonds. Nice. Jack, Hurley and Richard appear. Jack and Hurley are reunited with Sun. Hugs!

During the tearful reunion, we see a submarine fast approaching. It’s Widmore! So the person Jacob said was coming to the island is Charley Widmore. We can only hope Desmond, Penny and lil’ Charlie are along for the ride.

Don’t Call It An Alternative, Alternative Universe

Ben teaches the class about Napoleon. The principal informs Ben he has Detention duty for the next week. The guy is totally emasculating the little shit. “It’s Dr. Linus,” Ben says, long after the principal leaves. Him and Dr. Arzt bitch about what’s going on. Locke tells Ben maybe he should be the man in charge. “Yeah well who’s going to listen to me?” Locke raises his hand. “I’d listen.”

Ben, the man with a doctorate in European History, lives with his ailing father Roger at home. As he talks about his day with the detention gang, Roger is disappointed. He tells Ben he wishes they stayed on the island at the Dharma initiative. Things would have been better, he says. Ben is skeptical. The doorbell rings. It’s Alex! She’s a student who actually appreciates Ben. They set a date, well, not a date, I hope, for 7am the next morning for tutoring.

Alex is freaking out about the pending exam. She talks about her mother having two jobs. Those jobs are setting traps and being a creep. She also talks about Principal Reynolds being a pervert. “A pervert?” Alex asks Ben to promise not to tell if she tells him what’s up. Turns out that Reynolds and the nurse knocked boots where they do the ear tests for christsakes. Ben gets that Season 3 creepy look in his eye, although I’m thinking that isn’t THAT big of a deal. When you say “pervert” you better deliver the goods is all I’m saying.

Arzt is busy giving everyone F’s when Ben asks him to hack into nurse Kondrick’s internet account. Ben spills that he thinks Reynolds could be in a lot of trouble if they went through the emails. Arzt tells Ben he’ll do it for a good parking space for when Linus presumably takes the guy’s job. Deal. “You had me fooled with that sweater vest. Linus you’re a real killer!”

Ben tries to blackmail Reynolds with the e-mails. He tells him to resign and insist he become principal. Reynolds shows an email from Alex asking for a recommendation to Yale. “So like, what’s more important you having power or this woman’s future? Because I’ll fuck her over. Like with the hot nurse dude.”

At Dr. Reynolds’ office Alex informs Ben that she got a great letter of recommendation. Ben tells her he’ll see her at History Club. It’s back on? “Yes, it is. I got someone else to take care of detention for me. Right Principal Reynolds?” Reynolds agrees. Small win! Artz bitches that he wanted the parking space. “Have mine,” Ben says.

I like this ending, mainly because my theory still stands that if you side with the Lockeness, bad shit happens to you in the sideflashes, but if you’re a good boy or girl, you get small wins. I’m so smart maybe!

We’ll see you this weekend for the “Resurrection”.