This is it: the final episode of Scrubs (Med School). Considering how wonderful and kind of perfect the finale was last year and that Mitch Lawrence, the creator/executive producer/grand poomba of the franchise didn’t even bother writing this episode, I guess last night’s season finale of technically a spin-off show isn’t that big of a deal. But with the ratings continuing to not be impressive, this might have been the final twenty-two minutes of watching Dr. Perry Cox and Dr. Christopher Turk in action, and that is a sad thing.
It began with the old aforementioned salts Cox and Turk announcing to the class that it’s the end of the semester, which means they’re going to have to give thanks to the families that donated cadavers. Is that an actual thing? Turk says it’s not okay to recite a Maya Angelou poem in an old black woman voice. So don’t do that again, Cole.
Denise asks Drew if he would want to get married, in an uncharacteristically vulnerable manner. When Drew is like, “uh…”, Denise then asks about a baby. She says she’s kidding. Maybe. Denise’s sudden long-term committing talk freaks Drew out. This makes perfect sense once he claims he tries to lead as simple of a life as possible, as illustrated by the fact that he only owns a hat, some Ramen and a car battery.
Cole’s cancer is totally donezo, and he’s decided it means he should be a surgeon. Turk doesn’t want to deal with Cole, so he tells him it’s the exact opposite of a water slide, in that it’s not fun. Cox is around however, so he feeds into Cole’s fantasies and talks about how surgeons wear masks not unlike ninjas. After he updates his Facebook status Cole is committed to following Turk around. Turk puts him through the ringer, making him first hold a clamp while standing perfectly still for an entire afternoon, then later making him tweez out the fortune from a fortune cookie without breaking it. Even though Turk brings in a drumline into the O.R. and screams, ‘A DRUMLINE IN THE O.R.?!?! WHATTTT?!?!”, Cole passes both of the tests. This was the final Turk dance of our lives? Sad face.
In the end of Act Two when all of the story lines of Scrubs tend to reach the most tensious of moments, Denise is upset that Drew refuses to move forward in their relationship, Lucy is frustrated because Drew, Trang and hot Aussie girl don’t care about Ben, the cadaver they’ve been working on all semester, and when Cole fails to sow up a teddy bear Turk cheerily informs him maybe he isn’t surgeon material after all.
Ben’s son informs Lucy that Ben was actually a terrible father who was never around for him and cheated on his mother. Oof.
Dr. Cox tells Turk that you don’t get to decide who gets to study under your wing because they might be an annoying moron. Cox explains that he’s lucky now that instead of a whiny hug-loving J.D. a stoic Drew is following him around. Unfortunately for Cox, his words to Turk echo in his brain and suddenly he realizes he was being a jerk-off to Denise. He asks Cox for personal advice, causing Cox to walk away stammering, “Not you too. Not you too…”
In the end, Drew admits he’s in love with a sociopath and agrees they should move in together next semester. Fucking awwwwwww! Turk admits to Cole that he might be surgeon material after all, and he’d probably replace The Todd if the show keeps going. (The Todd’s appearances are kind of depressing to me at this point.) And Lucy admits at the weird corpse ceremony thing that Ben may have been a doucher in life, but at least in death he was able to help teach medical students about the human body and to bring them closer together.
For the end tag, Turk continues to fail at trying to act cool around a student he has a man-crush on. I never really expected him to know who The Eels were, but it was damn hard to watch anyway.
And that’s it for the show. Maybe.
Things To Say On Vietnamese Valentine’s Day
“I’ve always known a surgeon might hook em up with sweet calf implants or robot arm, but I never thought one would save my life.”
“Do you believe in fate? You know the stuff they talk about during the boring points of ‘Lost’?”
“Patent pending five!”
P.S.
Cox and Turk guess Lucy will become a pediatrician. Sounds about right.
Cole apparently smells good.
Cole’s surgical practice: Cole Cutz
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