You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.
A few weeks ago, before the Jim and Pam baby episode aired, I joked to Liz that it’d be funny if their baby died at childbirth. Obviously (I hope obviously) I didn’t actually want that to happen, but I just thought in my own little demented head that it’d be awfully interesting if the show took such a dark turn in the final leg of its sixth season. They’d have to do something shocking to get us to still care right?
Tonight didn’t involve any dead babies, but this was the darkest episode in the entire series. Until the very end. The end was pretty awesome.
It started off strange with the cold open: Michael says something stupid and Jim playfully made fun of him at his expense. Only this time, Jim is more sardonic than cute and Michael seems actually annoyed at Jim’s smugness – he actually is grinding his teeth at the end of the scene. And then, within the first three minutes of the episode, Andy, Jim, Phyllis and Stanley become gigantic assholes.
Sabre decided to put more emphasis on the sales staff, making it rain to the tune of 50K on research to find out all of the companies that can use a ton of that sweet sweet Sabre paper in their offices. They also apparently invested in bluetooth technology for all of them, because suddenly everyone on the sales staff has one, and are on them all the time making deals. Phyllis literally dumps paperwork absent-mindedly on Angela’s desk in the middle of a phone conversation. Jim texts his phone while not too politely waiting for Michael to sign his big check. Andy expects Darryl to just hand him a pencil. Stanley and Dwight are…Stanley and Dwight. Five dogs appeared out of thin air in the office and they all kicked them. I may have imagined that last part.
Michael ends up making life difficult on the sales staff by handing the precious sales leads that come into the office to the payroll department. While this was a typically ridiculous move I knew this episode was weird because I was on Michael’s side. Most of sales realize they’re fucked and end up buying Angela, Oscar, Kevin, Creed, Kelly and Ryan off with pastries. Michael and Dwight on the other hand end up at the landfill, because Kevin decided to hide Dwight’s leads in the garbage. Naturally. Michael and Dwight get downright vitriolic on each other: Dwight tells Michael he could have advanced further if he never worked for Homer Simpson Michael, and Michael gets so mad he pulls the second TO the assistant manager crap that still gets Schrute’s Goat (good band name). They end up hugging it out, because they were both cooked from the same frying pan of absurdity.
Who are we to root for anymore? Andy and Erin. They had only two scenes together, including the end tag. For whatever reason the two of them tried to find Dwight’s leads in the landfill. (I guess that’s an option for a date on a Friday night in Scranton.) Against an actually fucking beautiful sunset sky, Erin gives a cold Andy her coat. Andy, the second nicest person in the office, said, “You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.” She smiled, and Andy pulled her in for their first kiss. After dealing with both figurative and literal garbage all day long, being kind was a virtue that Andy, and most of the people watching, realized is really truly valuable.
Things To Say Before Enjoying A Dessert With No Fruit In It
“You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” (Stare)
“Stop sexting Pam.”
“The sales team squished my sandwich.”
“You have to get back on top.” “That’s what she said.”
“Hand them over numbnuts.”
“I am sick of your uppity behavior…Jim.”
“What day is today?” “Tonight is Ghost Whisperer so…Friday.”
P.S.
I didn’t even mention that Dwight actually CHOKED KEVIN. I was kind of horrified and continued to be even when Kevin managed to say he was enjoying Dwight being upset. Kevin’s a bit kinky no? But seriously, dark shit.
Dwight and Michael’s garbage fightttt would have been amusing if it weren’t so obvious they did it in front of a green screen. At least it was obvious to me, with my masters in Bluescreenism and everything.
They made Oscar into a giant idiot tonight, first with being lured by a picture of Cecilia’s onesie, than not letting Jim finish and letting the sales staff get away with just using pastries as their mea culpa. Oscar is usually the shrewdest person in the entire office.
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