Shut Up It's On

This used to be fun. This thing, which isn’t a “job” really, but it’s like, a hobby? Whatever. This sucks because I just want to shove Bea Arthur’s penis up my throat so I choke to death whenever Michael Scott is on my television. And that isn’t conducive to television reviewing or living. Sigh. I know this looks like a bunch of words strung together to your eyes, but this is all one long groan. Not happytime groan either.

Should I ignore that storyline? Michael didn’t realize he was on a date with a friend of Pam’s and was doing okay, then once he became cognizant of this he transformed into “Date Mike” and became Lord Doucher of Female Products Island. Even worse, he didn’t learn his lesson because the manager of the knock-off Dave & Buster’s was inexplicably into him and he got her information. It’s such an old fucking joke The Office. Kill him off or something. Jesus.

And what’s with Pam’s best friend Isabelle now being Dwight’s soulmate? I certainly don’t feel bad for Angela, but Dwight is a character we haven’t been taught to feel empathy for since Angela broke his heart. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if Dwight and Angela get together? Well obviously not. I should have written, “would you feel slightly better about existence if Dwight and Angela end up together?” Not really.

Andy and Erin? That’s a little better. My favorite moment of the episode was when Erin was trying to “follow Andy’s lead” in keeping their relationship a secret by rather heavily hitting on the guy at the bar. Andy got immediately upset and asked where in the hell she learned to do that. “I don’t know, the movies?” she said guiltily. That was funny to me. Ironic, considering Michael Scott’s entire problem is basing television and movies for how to behave socially. Maybe if I knew Erin for six seasons I’d hate her too?

Oscar. I like Oscar, but the writers haven’t been liking him back lately. Tonight he continued to helplessly try to gain the affections of warehouse Mike, even though Darryl tells us what we already assumed that he isn’t smart. Oscar should be smart enough to realize you don’t have to find your mate at work.

Why was Meredith nowhere to be found in an episode titled “Happy Hour”? You kidding? Ugh this show. It was good to see Pam back though.

Things to say to “Date Mike” before you throw him off a cliff

“I love going to bars with Bob. I wear a low cut dress guys flirt with me and Bob beats them up. What?”
“I love this baby. It gets me out of everything. And you know, I love her and everything.”
“I’m Date Mike, nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
“I don’t. Want. The drama!”
“Fuck!”
“If you’re interested it’s called ‘If You Manage’ and it’s a picture of me shrugging my shoulders.”

P.S.

They were at a Dave and Buster’s right? Or does Chuck E. Cheese finally serve alcohol?

The running gag of Kevin’s theory of Pam lactating at the sound of a baby crying never really paid off, because Kevin was fucking disgusting about it. Then again, his coarseness when demonstrating his knowledge of Andy and Erin’s relationship was kind of funny, particularly Andy giving it the Nard Dog seal of approval.

The cold open had Stanley, somehow, amazingly, managing to do twenty five pushups. Never underestimate how much that man does not want to be at that office.