Tonight had some definite tonal issues: It was clearly meant to be a sweet “Ted Mosby just wants to be a family man gosh darn it” episode but didn’t quite earn the emotional high marks of episodes from previous seasons. Then again, no episode before “Home Wreckers” featured a game I hope sweeps this Party Nation: Drunk or Kid?
When Marshall dropped some bottlerockets in the toilet and drying them off in the microwave?
He was DRUNK.
Riding bike down extension latter over two story house.
KID
Driving brother’s car backwards down I-94.
KID
As far as the rest of the episode: Ted’s mother/Barney’s dream woman Virginia got married to her stereotypical old hippie boyfriend Clint. I mean, he looks like the mayor of Sunnydale a little bit but no, total hippie. Ted is besieged by all of his mother’s friends asking him when HIS wedding is going to be. Oh boy. Adding to feeling like his love life has been stuck on neutral all along is the feeling of being completely grossed out when Clint sings about how turned on he gets by his new wife. Ted passes out from this song for he swears twelve minutes. When he regains consciousness he excuses himself and holes up in his hotel room for three days and buys a house online. The house is completely shitty, but he claims by the time he’s done fixing it up he’ll have his wife.
The gang tells Ted he shouldn’t have been so impulsive, after all the house has issues with black mold, frayed electric wires, water damage, cracked chimney, rats, bats, spiders, fuse box and a hobo and you know what it’s a godforsaken Guantanamo Bay house that might collapse from a medium-sized wind. Ted’s best explanation is he’s overcompensating for him and the universe not getting him the wife yet and he’s behind on his dream of having a family. Ted then goes to Virginia and Clint’s place and gives them the toast he was supposed to give a few days earlier. He goes back to his new house to find Marshall in the backyard barbecuing some sausages (sausage party FTW). Marshall tells Ted he’s told him all the time not to rush into things but he does it anyway.
“Your heart is drunk and a kid.” And then we see that the rundown house ends up being the house Saget Ted talks to his kids in every week. So sometimes stupid decisions work out. I mean, they also sometimes don’t work out, but forget about that, okay?
The B storyline dealt with Barney and Robin again: While Clint is getting to wailing about Gandhi, Robin starts crying. Barney wont shut the hell up about it. He’s more obnoxious than um, funny really. But it turns out it was Barney that was crying because he misses Virginia. He claims that in 2006 B.C. (Before Clint) when he dropped Ted’s mother off at the airport (he had his license then?) they had a little kissy kiss to Bob Seger’s “Night Moves”. But before you think Barney and Virginia truly made some front page drive-in news, Barney claims she said he has a large penis. Ah he’s lying! Barney swears that part wasn’t true but the rest wasn’t. We’re left to believe that in fact he’s telling the truth, which is half funny half disgusting. Fungusting.
All in all a good effort, but lets see some more hustle and better execution for the home stretch boys and girls.
P.S.
“Night Moves” and “Our House”? Good soundtrack tonight.
Marshall getting creeped out by the thought of a Blair Witch. Classic Eriksen.
Things To Say After Falling Through A Ceiling
“Come on dude, your mom is a cougar!” “Wait, I thought you said a cougar can’t be over 50.” “Okay, she’s a Mellencamp!”
“As a painter slash songwriter slash volunteer fear-fighter…”
When I squeeze your trembling bosoms/The blood flows to my loins/When I penetrate your–”
“There was no guitar.”
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