Shut Up It's On

Hope you like a big ol’ cry! Lost just turned to Breaking Bad and said, “Oh that’s cute. Let’s show you how it’s done.”

Alternative Timeline

“Mr. Locke? Mr. Locke?” Dr. Jack tells Locke that he fixed him up after the car crash. Jack tells him he’s a haha, candidate, to be able to walk again. Locke isn’t interested. Helen runs in and kisses Locke, then kisses Jack on the cheek and thanks him.

Jack pays a visit to Bernard, who isn’t Rambo and is just a dentist. Bernie was apparently Locke’s dentist. When talking about Locke he mentions he saw him originally on “a flight”. “Oceanic 815.” Yeah, Bernie was on it too. Jack you flirted with his wife. Whoops. Bernard informs Jack he can’t reveal how Locke got in a wheelchair but he can tell him the man he was in the accident with – Anthony Cooper. Duh no duh. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Jack goes to a nursing home to see Anthony Cooper, who in this world needs his food wiped off his face. Bummer. Wait I mean KARMA’D, BITCH! So Locke’s accident ended up hurting Cooper a lot more than it did Locke, which is why he feels guilt and doesn’t want Jack to save him. Back at the hospital, Jack sees Locke who talks in his sleep, “Push the button. I wish you believed me.” Preggers Claire shows up, and it comes up she was also on Oceanic 815. Hmmmmmmmmm. Claire is offered a bed in Jack’s place because she’s a sexy pregnant Aussie. And because they’re family.

As Locke is being wheeled out of St. Sebastian’s, he sees Jin walking by with flowers. Locke gives a passing glance with a slight trace of recognition but thinks nothing of it. Jack finds him and Locke admits he got a private pilot’s license, and on his first flight he got in a crash destroying his father’s life. Jack throws Locke’s words from “LA X” back in his face, saying his father is dead and whatever happened, happened, and you have to let go. Locke says that isn’t easy. Jack agrees, but he’s trying, and hopes maybe Locke can go first. Locke laughs, and tells Shephard a fuck you goodbye. “I can help you John. I wish you’d believe me.” Man this show and recycling phrases. Locke stops for a second, then continues wheeling.

The World With All The Drama

Sawyer, Hurley, Kate, the Kwons, Claire and Lapidus get in the polar bear cages after Widmore threatens to shoot Kate. Miss Austen isn’t on the list of candidates, so she’s expendable. Kate tells Sawyer not to listen to that logic, but he knows better. Or doesn’t, depends on how you see it/what universe you’re consciousness is currently living in.

After being paddled to Hydra, Lockeness tells Jack to go right on back to the other island to save the candidates from Widmore. Jack is like “nah you’re mean I won’t help you.” Lockeness reminds him he can kill him at anytime. And them.

In the cage Sawyer tells Kate he saw her name in the caves, but it was crossed out. Jin tells Sun he saw pictures of Ji-Kwon. Sun puts Jin’s wedding ring back on his hand. Maybe there will be some more sex in the cages? Nope, the generator went out, because smokey’s coming. While smokey takes care of Widmore’s group Jack unlocks the cage. So now basically the events of the previous episode are totally moot. Moot I say!

Running away, Sawyer thanks Jack but tells Kate they’ll lead them to the plane but he will not get on it. They run into Sayid who turned off the generators. Jack says he’s cool. Well not really. Meanwhile Lockeness just marches right up to Ajira 316 and gets repeatedly shot at by two of Widmore’s people. Yeah no chance. Lockeness breaks one man’s neck and shoots the other. Lockeness finds C4 wired in one of the overhead compartments. Didn’t Alpert want to do that? He tells the group Widmore’s plan was for all of them to get on the plane and to blow it up. Sawyer says it’s twice Lockeness has trusted him, so he’ll do whatever. Then he tells Jack he doesn’t trust them at all.

Sawyer and Lapidus kick ass inside the submarine, while Lockeness hands Jack a bag. Lockeness tells him that the people wh told him to stay on the island didn’t know what they were talking about. Jack says, “John locke told me to stay” and shoves Lockeness in the water. Then Kate gets shot in the shoulder and then, dammit, Man In Black gets up from the water and kicks the Widmore people’s asses. (And meanwhile most of my friends probably wished the bullet to Kate was a few inches lower than the shoulder.) Sawyer sees Man In Black and Claire are not in the sub and tells Lapidus to get the sub going. It dives down and as Claire screams that she was left behind. Lockeness says don’t worry, you don’t want to be on there. Inside, Jack asks Jin to get his bag so he can administer First Aid for Kate. He opens the bag and is greeted by the C4 explosive, which will detonate in less than four minutes. They did exactly what Lockeness wanted. Oh fuckedy fuck.

Shit shit shit. When Jack asks if anyone knows how bombs work. Sayid suddenly gets his accent back and spews a little information. Jack’s trying to reason with him that they can’t be killed because Man In Black isn’t allowed to, and because they’re candidates. Sayid tells Jack that Desmond is still alive in the well, then runs off with the bomb to save everybody. Yay! But a bomb is a bomb, water gets into the sub. Jack plays hero again and tells Hurley to get him and Kate out by breathing into a small oxygen tank, while he helps the others save a trapped Sun. Sawyer gets knocked unconscious. Sun tells Jin to save himself. Jack offers help, but Jin says it’s too late. Jack swims Sawyer out of there into the abyss. Sun pleads with Jin to go. He refuses. “Please go.” In Korean he says, “I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you again.” They say they love each other, kiss and die. Shit shit shit. Guess the candidates can die eh? Yeahyeah I know Sawyer touching the bomb can technically mean they themselves got killed but that’s stupid. Shut up. And one more shit for good measure.

Jack manages to swim to shore with Sawyer. Hurley does the same with Kate. Kate asks about Jin and Sun. Hurley and Kate start to bawl. Sawyer remains passed out and nobody asks about Lapidus. Jack marches to the water and cries hero tears (no actual tears but the sobs of tears.) Meanwhile at the dock Lockeness announces to Claire that the sub sunk. Claire asks if that means they’re all dead. “Not all of them,” Lockeness says, before getting his gun. He’s going to go finish what he started. Bum bum bummmmm.

P.S.

Next week’s episode, “Across The Sea” is supposedly entirely about the Jacob/Man In Black backstory.

Sayid’s words to Jack (“it’s you”) indicate he is Jacob’s replacement, which is a doy duh, but it’s interesting that Jack in the other world is the one telling someone else that they’re “the candidate”. (Locke.)

Seriously, where’s Frank? He was the Miles of this group.