Previously on The Bad Girls Club…Kate reached her boiling point and beat some bitches down, and the Ambers from last season came for a visit.

This week, on the season finale, Annie presses charges against Kate, and the girls say goodbye to the Bad Girls clubhouse.

Highlights:

• Kate goes home for beating some bitches.  Amber and Lexie trash everything in Kate’s suitcases.
• The old Ambers discuss the drama.  Amber B. is on Kate’s side and thinks Annie is like last season’s Ailea.  “I would never let her babysit my children.”  They peace out because they’re too good for this shit.  Also, I’d just like to point out Amber M.’s footie pajamas.
  
• Annie is a fucking nerd and calls the police to file a report.  Amber and Kendra think she’s a dumb bitch.
  Annie: “I’m not gonna blame somebody who lifts her fists and hits me?!  That’s like saying not to blame Hitler for the Holocaust!”
  Amber: “If Annie wanted revenge, she should have just hit the bitch back.”
• Amber, Lexie, and Annie go out to see that air sex guy from last week.  Lexie is scared because she’s an air virgin.  Kendra stays home because she’s not into dumb white shit feeling well.
• They enter the air sex competition.  It’s gross.  Annie wins.
  
• The girls decide to “change the world” by organizing the world’s largest bikini parade.  They’re aiming for 300 girls.  Annie sucks all the fun out of it by being a control freak and a grammar Nazi.  Lexie feels like she’s being singled out for being dumb one.  She is.
• Lexie: “I would love to hit Annie, but I know she’d go running to the police.”
• Annie is on a power trip now that all the HBICs are out of the house.  She talks a bunch of shit about Lexie.
• They try on bikinis for the parade.
  
• Only 30 girls show up, so they scour the beach to recruit more.  They suck at this.
• This guy is awesome:
  
• They’re led by bagpipes lol wtf.
• They didn’t break the world record, but they set the record for largest in the state of California.  They celebrate anyway.
• Kate and Natalie are hanging out together and leave a bunch of prank calls on the house’s answering machine.  Amber thinks it’s funny until she hears the one saying her boyfriend looks like The Predator.  I didn’t think it was funny until I heard that one.  She cries.  I laughed.
• Moving day.  The girls say their goodbyes.
  
• None of the former houseguests regret hitting anyone.
• Annie learned to stick up for herself.  Kendra learned that she’s not the only bad girl in the world.  Amber learned she’s dating The Predator.  Lexie didn’t learn anything, but she hasn’t learned anything since kindergarten.
• Annie goes home, and the three remaining girls decide to go on a road trip without her.  The end!

So, Kate makes the fourth one to go home early this season.  It only seems like a lot because the last three were in quick succession.  Season 1 also had four early departures, and Seasons 2 and 3 both had three.  This was definitely the weakest season so far, but at least we got to see a lot of bitches get fucked up.

Next week: Part one of the two-part reunion special hosted by scum of the earth Perez Hilton.  Yes, there will be fighting.

Also next week: The premiere of Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too starring this season’s Kendra and last season’s Sarah and Amber M. I’ll definitely be watching. Not sure if I’ll be recapping. We’ll see.

Previously on Chuck…we learned Sarah’s real name (Sam), Chuck broke up with Hannah, and Sarah/Sam finally hooked up with Shaw.

This week, Chuck has performance anxiety and has to overcome his impotence.  This episode is directed by Zachary Levi.  I’ll try to be easy on him.

So, Chuck hasn’t been able to flash since all the drama that happened last week.  Shaw informs him that, until he works out his mental block, he’s no longer a spy.  Hat tip to the writers, as I think this was pretty clever.  Our hero has progressed so far from “Wait in the car, Chuck” to the spy he’s become: not just a real spy but a *good* one.  Just as he’s finally getting to prove himself, he loses the one thing that made him a spy in the first place.  It’s a serious reality check for him.  I still have hope for him, though.  He’s really proven this season that he has what it takes.  It’s not the Intersect that makes him a good spy; it’s the confidence the Intersect gives him.  If he can learn to stop depending on the Intersect, he’d have that confidence back.  Like when you lose your lucky penny and then realize you didn’t need it in the first place.  In order for that to happen though, he needs some serious combat training.  But most likely he’ll just get the Intersect back and continue to rely on it.

Chuck really needs someone to talk to about all of this.  Awesome is no help, since Chuck promised to keep the spy talk to a minimum so he can have plausible deniability.  Sarah is no help, since she’s the one he needs to talk about.  I’m sure he can find *someone* to talk to…</foreshadowing>

Apparently Hannah quit the Buy More.  Shit.  I miss her already.  I really hope that’s not the last we see of her.  But really, she was too perfect for Chuck.  The longer she stayed, the harder it would be to accept it when Chuck and Sarah inevitably get together.  Hannah’s departure leads Morgan to have a “Dude, WTF?” conversation with his BFF, and when he sees he’s not going to get any answers, he decides to “fire” him from his position as best friend (which sounds like the premise for a bad reality show).

Shaw takes Chuck’s place in this week’s mission.  He and Sarah intercept a call from The Ring and find out who their target is.  Surprise!  It’s Devon’s abs.

They tell Devon what’s up.  Casey checks out the room where the call was made and discovers it was a set-up.  False alarm?  Shaw figures out what The Ring is up to, and they head back to Burbank to save Chuck.

Meanwhile, at the Buy More, some prospective buyers are checking the place out and conducting interviews with the staff to see who they want to keep/fire if they decide to buy the store.  Sound like bullshit?  That’s because it is.  Really, they’re agents for The Ring, looking to infiltrate Castle.  They figure out that Chuck is Agent Carmichael and that Shaw left him there to hold down the fort.  As they’re casing the joint, Chuck works on his Intersectile dysfunction with “flash” cards.

Jeff asks Morgan to hide the contraband in his locker for him so he doesn’t get fired.  The contraband is a jar of ether he huffs to take the edge off.  Makes sense.  The Ring agents come in, so Morgan hides and watches.  They find the entrance to Castle, and Morgan follows.  They’re going to destroy everything they have on The Ring and blow up Castle.  Uh-oh.  They don’t seem to know about the Intersect though.

Morgan tells Chuck everything he overheard and gets all patriotic and heroic.  He wants them to take down The Ring themselves, and Chuck can’t do anything to dissuade him.  Of course they’re immediately captured and tied up.  They threaten to torture Morgan unless Chuck talks, so he’s forced to come out to Morgan.  I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be a big OMG moment, but really, how could you not see this coming?  With Chuck becoming more of a spy and less of a nerd herder, the Buy More crew is being featured less and less, and mostly as filler.  Technically that’s because of the show’s lower budget this season, but really, they don’t fit into Chuck’s life anymore.  If Morgan didn’t find out soon, he would have faded even further into the background.  Anyway, he takes the news pretty well, and Chuck fills him in on the past 2 1/2 years.

Morgan: “I thought I lost you, but you were out saving the world?”

Casey gets back to the Buy More and discovers the staff staging a revolution.  We’re treated to Jeffster covering Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son” while Casey takes out some bad guys (assisted by Jeff and his ether).

Shaw wants to blow up Castle (with Chuck and Morgan inside) to prevent The Ring from gaining access to all of their intel.  Sarah convinces him to give them another 5 minutes.

Chuck finishes filling Morgan in on his secret life.  Morgan asks if that makes Sarah his “beard.”  Clearly I’m not the only one who saw this as Chuck coming out of the closet.  Morgan gets him to admit that he’s in love with Sarah (duh), and getting everything off his chest clears up his mental block, allowing him to flash again.  When the bad guys come back to kill them, Chuck takes them all out (well, most of them…Morgan took the last one out).  Yay Chuck has his groove back, and now he has an outlet for all of the secrets weighing down on him.

Since The Ring used Devon as a decoy, he realizes he and Ellie aren’t as safe as he was told.  He wants to get as far away from this spy business as possible (since Malibu clearly wasn’t far enough) and suggests they go to Africa and join Doctors Without Borders.

Morgan and Chuck’s bromance rekindled, they bond over Subway and Duck Hunt.  Chuck totally cheats though.  Shame on you, Chuck.  Duck Hunt is sacred.

Casey gets a mysterious phone call from The Ring, setting up next week’s episode.

I can’t say I loved this episode, but I definitely didn’t hate it.  It was all fairly predictable, but we really needed it for the show to progress.  Levi did an okay job directing.  It needed more Casey, but it looks like we’ll get plenty of him next week.

Next week: Casey goes rogue.  Though I’m sure it’ll end up being one big misunderstanding.

Previously on The Bad Girls Club…the girls got into a brawl in Santa Barbara, and Natalie ran away from production.

This week, The Ambers from Season 3 make a surprise visit, and Kate reaches her boiling point.

Highlights:

• The girls are already celebrating Natalie’s departure.  Annie says it’s two down and one to go (Kate).  Why has this season turned into Survivor?
• The 5 girls remaining go to a bar where Annie has a crush on the bartender, Nico.  Kate decides to be a cockblock and flirt with him to fuck with Annie’s head.  It works.
  
• Annie declares war.  What, is she gonna put more butter in her eggs whites?  Even lamer…she empties Kate’s cans of hair spray (“even though it’s bad for the ozone layer”).
  
• The girls go paintballing.  Lexie/Annie/Amber vs. Kendra/Kate.  Kate loses, since they all pretty much went after her.
• The one guy Kendra doesn’t bang on the first date (L.P.) ends up showing up wayyy late the night she was finally gonna bang him.  Bitch set up candles and flower petals and everything.
• The Ambers!  And they brought gummy bears!  Amber M. and Amber B. from Season 3 are in town filming a pilot for The Amber Show and are crashing in the BGC house.  I haven’t heard anything about the show being picked up though.  Maybe after Love Games finishes?
  
• Kate bonds with the Ambers, since they were the outcasts last season.
• The girls all go to a club.  Kendra invites L.P. and he shows up 3 hours late, when they’re ready to leave.  This time she tells him to go fuck himself.
• Natalie calls.  Kendra answers.  She listens to her bullshit for a minute before getting tired of it and hanging up.
• The girls get to watch the Ambers filming their pilot.  Yea, I don’t see this getting picked up.
  
• I don’t even know what to say about this:
  
• Everyone continues to pick on Kate.  She seems to handle it all pretty well, remaining calm, until she finally snaps.  She destroys a bunch of the girls’ shit and looks like she’s ready to give up and go home.
• Kate gives Kendra a hug and then goes up to Annie saying she’s sorry, pretending she’s going to hug her too…and then fucking decks her.  Ow.
  ETA: This is the shirt Annie was wearing that started that fight between Flo and Amber, which resulted in Flo breaking both her ankle and Amber’s face.  Wow, gay marriage really is controversial.
• Amber goes outside and confronts Kate.  They fight.  Lots of hair pulling.  Amber M. tries to break them up.  I’m not sure if Lexie is trying to break it up or trying to fight too?  Either way, she’s terrible at it.
  

Next week: Season finale.  Annie called the cops.  She’s pressing charges.  Jesus Fucking Christ.  I don’t condone violence outside of trashy reality TV or mixed martial-arts, but if someone hits you and you deserved it, you don’t press fucking charges.  Maybe that’s just the Brooklyn in me, but really.  So fucking childish.

Previously on Chuck…Chuck and Sarah have officially gotten over each other and moved on with Hannah and Shaw respectively.  And simultaneously, which is convenient, because you never want your ex to move on before you do.

This week, that convenience goes out the window.

We start off with something for the ladies (and gaydies).  Ellie discusses Chuck with Awesome’s abs.  She feels out of the loop, since Chuck used to tell her everything, like that his first crush was Mrs. Seaver from Growing Pains.  (Maggie was kind of a MILF though, wasn’t she?)

Awesome advises Ellie to tell Chuck how she feels about being kept out of the loop.  Which leads to her awkwardly meeting a naked Hannah.  He introduces her as “a girl…who is a friend…” and then alludes to the fact that they just boned.  Nice one, Rico Suave.  Chuck promises to make it up to Ellie by cooking dinner for the four of them.

Cut to Sarah, Shaw, and Casey on a mission.  Sarah attempts to cool things down with Shaw and gives him some bullshit excuse, but her face explains it all.  You know the face…when you just banged that dude/chick you thought was hot but not relationship material only to discover how clingy they are and immediately regret it, but at the same time the sex was great and you want to do it again?  Yea, that’s the one.  Obviously she didn’t bang him yet, she just had a weak moment last week, but you know Shaw is amazing in bed.  Well, this is the part where she lightly pushes him away until she convinces herself that maybe she’ll grow to like him so she gets to fuck his brains out until she realizes it’s not going to work out.  I give them 3 months tops.

They capture a Ring assassin, Rafe Gruber.  Chuck’s mission is to assume Gruber’s identity and find out who his target was while Casey gets to play torture and interrogate the guy.  Gruber hits on Sarah, so Shaw knocks him out.  Really?  She can take care of herself.  I’m sure that was a turn-off for her.

Chuck’s kinda good at this.  He meets with Gruber’s contacts, a couple of old-school mobsters.  One of them recognizes Casey, so Chuck has to torture him.  He pulls out one of his fucking teeth.  “Is this stuff sterile?…I wanna kill him, not some secondary infection.”

The extraction team arrives, and Chuck flashes so he can take them all out before escaping with the mobsters (and leaving Casey in safe hands).  I love how much Chuck has grown as a spy, and I love how proud of him Casey is.  Sarah, on the other hand, is still worried about Chuck losing his innocence.

Sarah and Shaw save Chuck’s ass by preparing that dinner for him before everyone arrives.  Of course Chuck’s dinners are normally terrible, but Ellie is naive as usual.  Hannah makes some lame toast about feeling like she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be.

Awesome: “Smells delish!  My taste buds are fist pumpin’ each other, bro.”

The next day, Hannah invites Chuck to meet her parents and then almost fucks up Chuck’s life and answers his (Rafe’s) phone.  Close call, but the mobsters just stopped by to tell him they found his target.

More eye candy.  Will those pecs work on Sarah?

Twist!  Chuck’s target is Shaw!  KILL HIM KILL HIM!

Clearly the pecs do work, because she tells him her real name: Sam.  Then they make out.

Seeing and hearing all of this, Chuck has a minor freakout and talks out his feelings with the mobsters.

Mobster #1: “Wait a second.  The guy you’re supposed to whack is banging your girl?”
Chuck: “It sure seems that way, doesn’t it?”
Mobster #2: “Jeez.  This unlucky guy is about to get double dead.”

Chuck tells them a bullet is too good for this guy, he’s gotta go over and do the job face to face.  Chuck and Shaw fight while the mobsters watch.  The real Gruber shows up and takes out the mobsters and then heads over to take out the good guys.

We hear a gunshot and Sarah falls to the ground, but it turns out Casey showed up just in time and took out Gruber with the sniper rifle.  I’ll admit, I might have gone “oh shit!” for a second.  Oldest trick in the book, but it still gets me every time.

Chuck has a heart-to-heart with Ellie before heading to dinner with Hannah and her family.  He pulls her aside and breaks up with her before dinner even starts.  What a dick move.

Hannah: “I hope that your lies keep you warm at night.”

Sarah (do I have to call her Sam now?) totally bangs Shaw for real now.  The end.

Next week: Chuck can’t flash.  Expect a few erectile dysfunction jokes.

Previously on The Bad Girls Club…Kate has the Swine Flu, Kendra and Lexie had a threesome with Spencer Pratt, and Flo went home because nobody loves Flo, and at home, Flo loves everybody and everybody loves Flo.

This week starts off with the aftermath of a huge fight, with half the girls covered in dirt and bruises and two of them arrested, before rewinding back to two days earlier.  If I know anything about the show’s editors, that means this episode will have lots of lame filler until the fight towards the end, which will end in a cliffhanger to be resolved in two weeks.

Highlights:

• Flo is still gone.  I almost miss her.  Almost.
• Kate is back from the hospital.  The girls fill her in.
  Kate: “I didn’t even get to say goodbye, but, you know, they probably didn’t have enough water balloons for me anyways.”
• Amber reenacts breaking Flo’s ankle with her portrait, tossing it into the pool.  Her boyfriend is still visiting, so she’s still in 24/7 baby voice mode.
• The girls all go on a trip to Santa Barbara for a fiesta, minus Kate and Annie since they’re both still sick.
• Amber’s boyfriend leaves.  The road trip begins.  Amber is done with the baby voice but not done being a baby.
  
• Natalie starts fight with everyone over a fucking makeup brush.
• Natalie gets a ticket for having an open container of beer on the street.  It was kind of bullshit, but giving the cops attitude is not the way to handle the situation.
• Kendra backs her up, getting even more in their faces, slurring the fuck out of her speech, and one of the cops tells her to GTFO or he’ll arrest her.  She keeps running her mouth and is about to get cuffed, but shit settles down and they let her go and give Natalie her ticket.
  
• Natalie and Kendra argue for no fucking reason.
• They end up rolling around in the dirty pulling each other’s hair.
  
• Lexie and Amber try to break it up, and Natalie starts pulling Amber’s hair and punches her in the face.  What the fuck?
  
• Production breaks it up, and Natalie has to ride home separately in a van.
• The other girls make it home, and Kendra cries in the shower.  Why the fuck is she crying?  She really thought Natalie gave a fuck about her?  I thought they were both using each other.
• Natalie is still being difficult with production and won’t get in their van.  She pretty much carjacks some poor woman.
  
• Cliffhanger!  I called it.

I’d be shocked if Natalie stayed after this.  Not that it’ll make much of a difference…she’ll obviously be in the next episode when they kick her out, and there’s only one episode left after that.  This fight was fucking lame though.  Production stepped in before anything good happened.  I can’t believe Portia, the most forgettable girl this season, turned out to be the one with the most memorable fight.  Let’s see her beat the shit out of Natalie one last time:

This season started off so strong!  The rest of it has been pretty lame.  I hope they get better (and badder) girls next season.

Next week: Clip show.  I doubt I’ll be recapping it.  Two more eps left after that.

Next next week: THE AMBERS ARE BACK!  OMG I can’t wait.  Just what this season needed!

Previously on The Bad Girls Club…everyone’s sick of Flo and her crutches, and Kate’s boyfriend broke up with her because she likes the poon.

This week, Flo’s can walk again, but everyone’s still sick of her.

Highlights:

• Flo gets a walking cast, so she doesn’t need the crutches anymore.  I suppose it’ll be slightly less embarrassing for the other girls to be seen with her now?
• Amber’s boyfriend is coming to visit.  She speaks baby talk to him.  I don’t understand people who do that.  Especially when they talk about sex.  It literally makes me nauseous.  Babies are not sexy.
• The girls get pole dancing lessons.
  
• Amber humps some guy in a club.  She couldn’t wait for her boyfriend?  The guy’s fiancée/wife fucks her up.  Kendra and Natalie jump in and save her.
  
• Amber tells her boyfriend the story.  So of course she has to give the backstory and explain that she was humping the guy.
• This is Amber’s boyfriend.  WTF at that hair.
  
• Amber gives him the tour.  She shows him the bidet.  “This is for you to rinse your penis.  I don’t know how to work it.  It’s called a duvet.”
• Flo wrote some lame little notes to the girls to show that she cares, but it just made them hate her more.
• Kendra takes home the whitest white boy ever.  He calls her ”a respectable black woman that I can take home to my mother.”  Let me translate for the nonwhites: “I’d never marry a black girl, but I’ve always wanted to fuck one.  You don’t have nappy hair or gold teeth, so you’ll do.”
  
• They have a threesome with Lexie.  That make TWO things this guy can cross off his bucket list.
  
• Flo watches, as usual.  But judgingly.
• Kate is in the hospital.  She has Swine Flu, lol.
  
• Kendra and Flo have a screaming match.  Some shoving, but nothing exciting really.  But Kendra knows how to push buttons, and Flo wants to hit her so badly it drives her nuts.
• Flo decides to go home so she packs her shit.  Lexie watches her and laughs.
  Flo: “Laugh all you want.”
  Lexie: “I wasn’t laughing at you.  I was laughing ‘cause I farted and it smelled bad.”
• The girls all throw water balloons at Flo as she leaves.  I thought that was a bit much.  I didn’t approve at first, but when she started chasing them in her walking cast, that made it funny enough to be okay in my book.
  
• Flo is gone.  The girls celebrate.

Next week: More fighting.  Someone possibly gets arrested.

Bonus: Looks like Flo is trying to start a music career too.  She’s reportedly working with Babs Bunny from Diddy’s Making the Band 2.  She’s only marginally better than Natalie.

Previously on Chuck…Chuck burned his first asset, Hannah started her new job at the Buy More, and there’s trouble in Awesome paradise.

This week, Hannah weasels her way into Chuck’s mission, and some mushy love shit happens.

SuperShaw was noticeably (and thankfully) absent last week.  Unfortunately, he’s back this week.  We start off with Shaw on a Mission Impossible mission, attempting to steal a mask from a museum vault and failing miserably.  (Is he Tom Cruise?  Maybe that’s why I hate him.)

Meanwhile, Chuck is getting his flirt on with Hannah at the Buy More, and he promises to take her on his next install.  Sarah interrupts, because Shaw for some reason specifically needs Chuck to save him.  Chuck flees the store on a “Buy More emergency,” which of course must mean an install, so Hannah tags along.  So far this all seems like incredibly lazy writing, but whatever, I want a Sarah vs. Hannah catfight.

My bad.  Shaw needs Chuck for his h4xx0r skillz.  He needs to hack into the security system and shut the alarm off.  My apologies to the writers.  Hannah followed him in her car.  Stalker!  She’s got mad h4xx0r skillz too and reboots the server for Chuck.  Why do computer skills make girls so much hotter?  Mission accomplished.  The client was so impressed he invited them back the next night to ensure nothing goes wrong when the mask of Alexander is unveiled, which is what Shaw was trying to steal in the first place, so this should make a second attempt easier.

I’m pretty sure Shaw is supposed to be a love interest for Sarah, but I don’t see the appeal.  Sure, he’s fuckable, but loveable?  Apparently he’s stalking her life and knows what kind of coffee she drinks and that she chews on her stirrer when she gets nervous.  That’s definitely more creepy than sweet.  She trashes the stirrer he gives her because she won’t give him the satisfaction of chewing on it.  She totally drinks the coffee though.

In the mission briefing, we learn that the mask isn’t what they’re after but what The Ring might have hidden inside it.  God damn, Shaw is trying too hard to get into Sarah’s pants.  He’s laying it on thick.  “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”  Thank you, Sarah.

Hannah admits that she only took the job because of Chuck and proceeds to put the moves on him.  Make-out time!  Until Hannah spots Sarah on the security monitors.  She points out Shaw’s hotness, to which Chuck replies, “Yeah, if you’re into the strong kind of Superman type of a guy.”

Chuck flashes on some guy with half his face burnt off.  Shaw was the guy who burnt it, so he has to abort and go play in the van with Casey.  Of course, Hannah sees this on the monitors and thinks he ditched her for his ex.  Sad face!  He cuts the feeds remotely, and Hannah is left panicking.

Sarah and Chuck exchange some jealous banter about Shaw and Hannah.  Sarah is lowered down into the vault, but the Ring operatives find Chuck before she can steal the mask and replace it with a fake.  The two switch places, and Chuck is left hanging while Sarah disposes of the bad guys.  Meanwhile, Hannah is too good at her job, and she and Shaw fight over the vault door controls.  Chuck switches the masks just before Hannah locks Shaw out of the controls.  Such a bright girl.

Chuck fails at explaining himself, and she leaves in a Huff.  I really like Hannah.  I’m glad they didn’t make her naive like Ellie or totally weird and stupid like the rest of the non-spies in the cast.  Sorry to the Shuck ‘shippers, but she’s a much better fit with him than Sarah.  If Sarah actually dated Chuck, she’d grow as a person and all that, but ultimately she’d realize that he’s too good for her (and that she’s too hot for him).  Sarah would be better with someone with Shaw’s looks but with an actual personality behind them.

Burnt Face Man reviews the security footage.  “Oh, he’s good.  A real Casanova, this one.  He used the blonde to get into the vault and seduced the computer girl to get into the security system.”  He calls the Nerd Herd and asks Hannah to come back for more IT problems.  He locks her in the vault and activates the security system, so Chuck has to come save her.

Meanwhile, Shaw and Sarah find out what was hidden inside the mask…a poisonous gas.  Now they’re quarantined at Castle, and Chuck and Casey have an hour to get the counteragent from Burnt Face Man.  Shaw admits he was hitting on her, and Sarah admitted she liked it.  (Ew.)  The gas is contained thanks to Castle’s security system, but Sarah’s already unconscious from the poison.

Chuck meets with the Ring operatives, but they won’t release Hannah, so he smashes the mask (with a smoke bomb in it, pretending it’s the poisonous gas).  Burnt Face Man shits a brick because he only knows the counteragent is in a vase but doesn’t know which one (obviously, museums are full of vases).  Chuck flashes on the correct vase, smashes it over Burnt Face’s head, and nabs the counteragent.  He opens the vault just as Shaw arrives with Sarah, and they take their doses.

Now the girls are all “ZOMG MY HERO” to the boys.  Really?  That’s how they get together?  The damsel in distress cliché?  Now that’s lazy writing.

Chuck and Sarah have a lame “so I guess we’re both moving on” chat.  Chuck makes out with Hannah, and oh my god, Zachary Levi is either gay or a horrible kisser…it’s kind of painful to watch.  Sarah and Shaw get physical too, after she chews on the coffee stirrer he gave her (a new one, not the one she trashed, obviously).

Burnt Face Man lives.  We get a sneak peak at The Ring.  Burnt Face Man dies.  Oh well.

The B-story: Morgan is hard at work, trying to figure out what’s going on with Chuck and his mysterious trip to Paris.  He and Ellie think he’s in his “dark place” because Sarah dumped him.  I’m pretty sure that was a few weeks ago when he looked like the unibomber covered in cheese ball dust.  They attempt an intervention, but find him making out with his new girlfriend, so that explains what he’s been up to.

Next week: The Olympics.  Chuck returns with new episodes on Monday, March 1, 2010.  No preview yet, but Chuck goes undercover as the world’s most dangerous assassin and cooks dinner for Hannah, Ellie, and Awesome.

Previously on The Bad Girls Club…everything turned upside down and now everyone hate’s Kate except for Natalie.

This week, the girls get tired of carrying Flo’s crippled ass around, and Kate gets tired of not eating pussy.

Highlights:

• Annie melts butter and puts it in Kate’s egg whites.  Wow, she’s growing some balls.  I’m sick of this little kid shit though.
  
• Flo is all mopey about being a cripple, but she’s going clubbing anyway.
• Kate admits that she’s into the poon, but she and her boyfriend consider it cheating whether it’s with a male or a female, so Kate’s friend Trish is still off limits.
• Flo embarrasses everyone with her clubfoot.
  
• Natalie continues to cheat on her boyfriend, Olamide, with her new boytoy, Rogdrick.  I continue to vomit in my mouth.
• Kate to Flo: “I’m bisexual, but I’m not as open with it.”
• Annie and Amber put sugar and salt in Kate’s protein shake to make her fat and bloated.
  
• Flo poledancing with her cast.
  
• Kate’s boyfriend, Paul, asks her if anything happened with Trish.  She tells him they made out naked in the shower, but  it wasn’t anything serious.  He doesn’t seem too mad, but he doesn’t really trust her.
• Natalie bangs Rogdrick.  Flo is creepy and watches.
  
• After a phone call to Olamide, supposedly he and Natalie are officially broken up.  I’m not sure he’s aware of that fact, but I’m also not sure he cares.
• Kate can’t fit into the clothes she wants to wear, seemingly because Annie’s been sabotaging her food.
• Natalie, Kendra, Kate, and Trish go clubbing.  Flo and her crutches aren’t invited.  Natalie told her it was her and Kendra going out because Rogdrick said she could only bring one person, so she’s pissed when she finds out Kate and Trish went too.
• Flo is ready to rage out when they get home.  She tells Kendra to warn them, and Natalie goes into the house running her mouth.  Flo has a tantrum and throws her crutches into the pool.
  
• Kate gets drunk and fools around with Trish, which she promises is innocent.  I’ve heard of innocent flirting, but I’m not so sure if there is such a thing as innocent rugmunching.
  
• Kate drunk dials Paul at work and tells him that her and Trish banged.  He doesn’t sound too happy.
• Paul calls back later when she sobers up.  “You know, I know I’m an old-school kind of a guy and that most guys would think that this is wicked cool, but I’m not a kid, I’m a man.”  He dumps her, and she’s devastated.
  

Next week: Amber gets her ass beat again, Kendra and Lexie have a threesome, and Flo gets all dramatic for the umpteenth time.

Previously on Chuck…Agent Shaw has taken over Castle, and Kristen Kreuk joined the cast as Hanna, Chuck’s new love interest.

This week, Hannah starts her new job at the Buy More, and Chuck learns how to be a handler.

We start off at the Buy More on Hannah’s first day.  Chuck is showing her the works and introducing her to the other employees, who all turn extra creepy in the presence of her beauty.

Chuck is briefed on his new mission: to develop some geek as a new asset.  Sarah doesn’t think he’s ready…they’re advancing him too quickly.  Such a worry wart.

The asset is Manoosh, an MIT dropout working for the Ring who has just entered the Buy More.  Hannah is on him already, trying to make her first sale.  Chuck gets all patronizing on her so she’ll go away, and ruin’s Manoosh’s “flow with that hottie.”  Strike 1, Chuck.  He’s coming on way too strong and panics, giving Manoosh his card and a CPU to shoplift.  Strike 2.  Come on, Chuck, this shouldn’t be that difficult.

Ellie found Chuck’s claim ticket from the airport in Paris and starts drilling Devon.  He’s still a terrible liar.  She knows he’s hiding something.

The Buy More creeps are still all over Hannah.  Chuck enlists Morgan to keep an eye on her, but Morgan enlists Jeff and Lester to stalk her for info because he’s crushing on her.  Using the intel they’ve gathered on her, they inform Morgan that she’s way out of his league (duh).

Back to the mission.  Chuck is chatting up the asset over nachos.  They bond over being nerds and college dropouts.  The Ring interrupts their date, calling Manoosh on one of those fancy phones, but he tells them to cool their jets because he’s busy with a “friend.”  Dattaboy, Chuck.

The Ring is tracking the signal, so Sarah heads in to take things up a notch.  Of course, hot chicks are so much hotter when wearing Battlestar Galactica-related clothing.

She puts the moves on him and tranqs him, and they carry him out of there just before The Ring agents arrive.  They use the classic waking-up-in-bed-with-a-half-naked-chick-who-says-you-had-amazing-sex-last-night-but-you-must-have-drank-too-much-to-remember ruse.  Never fails.

They steal Manoosh’s prototype from his briefcase, and Chuck heads back to the Buy More to return it to Manoosh sans prototype.

Devon is there freaking out.  He wants to come clean to Ellie about Chuck being a spy.  Ellie comes in soon after, and Chuck makes up a story about an eccentric customer letting him use his flat in Paris for a week, which was supposed to be a surprise honeymoon for Ellie and Devon.  Problem solved.

Manoosh gets his briefcase back, and The Ring finds him.  It turns out the prototype the team stole was a decoy, and the real prototype is a new Intersect he apparently built into a pair of sunglasses.

Manoosh has no intention of selling this to The Ring, as he figures he can get a much better price on the open market.  He puts on the glasses and flashes, giving him the combat moves to take out the Ring agents singlehandedly before hopping a flight to Dubai for Weap-Con, which Casey never misses.  This year he gets to write it off as a business trip!

Morgan ignores Jeff’s and Lester’s advice and tries to be all sophisticated to woo Hannah, but she lets it slip that Chuck went to Paris, and Morgan gets all verklemmt that Chuck kept yet another secret from him.

Cut to Chuck and the team in Dubai.  Casey is a kid in a candy store.  Manoosh demos his glasses at the con.  The team intercepts him backstage before he can start the bidding, but they’re soon joined by agents from The Ring.  The team is tied up, but luckily Casey bought a Japanese laser pen, which they use to escape.

There’s a standoff.  Chuck threatens the Ring leader with a Japanese laser pen of his own, but apparently he bought the wrong model.  Casey: “Just like Bartowski—bring a knife to a gunfight.”

Chuck flashes a few times and the team takes out all of the Ring agents.  Manoosh begs to be let go, but Chuck tranqs him.

Back at Castle, Chuck “burns” his first asset, and Manoosh is taken into custody.  Casey: “Only one way to burn a new asset—Johnny Walker.  Black.”  Chuck takes Casey’s advice.  Casey is proud of Chuck…he’s growing up and becoming a real spy.  Sarah’s mourning the loss of Chuck’s innocence.

Tying up the B-stories: Devon freaks out when the plane tickets to Paris arrive and tells Ellie she has to obey him.  He “forbids” it.  Looks like Devon isn’t awesome at being a husband either.  Morgan assures Ellie he’ll get to the bottom of what’s going on with Chuck, and he asks Jeff and Lester to use their stalking skills to dig up the dirt.

Next week: Chuck goes on a mission with both Sarah AND Hannah?  I hope there’s a catfight.

In case you didn’t catch the teaser this week, there’s a new Bad Girls Club spin-off set to premiere following this season’s reunion special.  It’s your typical Flavor of Love-esque dating show starring this season’s Kendra and last season’s Sarah and Amber M (Cookie!!)  I miss me some Cookie, so I know I’ll be watching.  I hope this will make up for this year’s mediocre season.

Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too premieres March 16th at 11 p.m. EST/PST on Oxygen.